Tattoo me, tattoo me not?

12 Comments » // August 23rd, 2010

I have been having quite a thought process around my recent tattoo additions and men.  And I feel I need to get it out in writing to process through it a little more, so here goes.

Basically, I have this fear (and have been telling myself the story) that I will not find a man that will love me and my tattoos.  Especially as I consider getting more.  I know where most of this fear is coming from…the fact that my last boyfriend did not like my tattoos and found me less attractive as I added them.  It sounds quite dramatic when I put it that way, and there were a lot more things going on with our relationship than just that, but it was a part of it all.  And it hurt.  I felt like I was becoming more of myself with the tattoos (after having not gotten them for years because of being an actor), and he felt I was becoming less of the woman he fell in love with.  I completely understand where he was coming from, but it still hurt.

So now I have this fear that no man will ever be attracted to me in all my tattooed glory.  I know this is ridiculous on so many levels, but it still pops into my head.  It is also hard because I fear that the only kind of guy that will love me is one who is covered in tattoos…which I am actually not that attracted to.  Don’t get me wrong, I love tattoos on men, but there is definitely a limit for me in how many and what type.  So here I am, strongly considering getting several more tattoos and wondering if I am just making myself less attractive to the kinds of men I am attracted to.

I never thought I would be interested in getting full sleeves, but I am basically halfway there now and am really thinking it may happen.  In fact, I have an appointment scheduled soon for a small piece I am doing in honor of my father and a possible other piece that will sort of push me over the edge of whether or not I am going to continue to sleeves.  See, I am such a visual person and like my tattoos to be balanced…so if I go for it and get this new piece on my arm, I will pretty much “have” to go for the rest at some point.  I know it sounds weird, but I’m picky that way.

I recently had a conversation about this with a couple of awesome women from my grad school cohort and one of them brought up something really interesting.  She said that she feels like people with full sleeves have armor on and that they can seem unapproachable.  She said that I still had “space” left for people to approach me since I am not fully tattooed yet.  While I see her point, it got me thinking…I don’t feel like my tattoos are armor, in fact I almost feel the opposite.  It’s been feeling like I am finally shedding a skin that has been covering up my tattoos and my authentic self this whole time…that they have always been there underneath it all.

But I do worry about my impact on other people by being heavily tattooed.  I just have to decide how worried I am about it.  I don’t really want to NOT get tattoos just because I am worried about what other people might think…that just doesn’t feel right for me.  I get nervous sometimes about being a therapist with all this ink, but I know I will find the right clients who appreciate me for being myself…they may even hire me because they admire me for being so authentic in such a bold way.

But back to the finding a man thing…the funny thing is that I have had men compliment me on my tattoos.  In fact, one man in my life thinks I should get a TON more and he thinks I get hotter each time I get one…and he only has a couple of tattoos himself.  So I know they are out there, I just have to stop telling myself this story that I will be unlovable if I am my tattooed self.  Yuck, what a lame story.

That doesn’t mean I am still not scared.  Sometimes it makes me want to stop getting tattooed just in case, and other times I want to just say “fuck it” and get tattooed all that I want and hope for the best.  I lean a little more towards the latter.  I don’t want to be covered in tattoos by any means.  I just want to be my adorned self and still have some sexy bare skin left for my man…in all the right places!

I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on the subject…and be honest!


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12 Responses to “Tattoo me, tattoo me not?”

  1. Christy Says:
    August 23rd, 2010 at 10:54 pm

    I think the iris is so beautiful and it reminds me of my mom’s fav flower :)

    I found the armor comment very interesting.

    I see your tats as an expression of your creativity…

    Men: well let’s hope they go beyond just the exterior….

  2. Cassidy Says:
    August 24th, 2010 at 4:19 am

    my thoughts are that there is nothing more attractive than confidence and authenticity. you must become totally comfortable with who u are and the decisions u want to make for your life, without regard to what other people’s opinions are. have u ever heard the phrase “Other people’s opinions of you are really none of your business!” ? i love that one.
    if u want to get sleeves, by all means get them! i love them personally, tho what i think doesn’t matter! i think to some people they make a person less approachable and to others they make them more approachable…and they are a great ice breaker! i know the right man will love u for YOU, your heart and soul. if u want to get tatted up and that turns off a guy, then that makes it easy: he is not the right one.
    be you. you are free to be YOU, in all your glory. that is what will draw the right man to you and then u will feel even more confident b/c he loves u for who you have chosen to be. and if u don’t find him soon, you always have your wifey. <3 XO

  3. Sher Says:
    August 24th, 2010 at 10:23 am

    Your tats are really beautiful and if you want more than you shouldn’t hold back because you’re afraid of what others perceive. I do however think that you need to stay open to dating men with many tats as well. Men are very visual and if a man doesn’t like tats on himself, then odds are he’s not going to like them covering his significant other.

  4. Uncle Gary Says:
    August 24th, 2010 at 10:46 am

    I wouldn’t worry too much about the tattoos interfering with your career options. Since you’re heading into the world of alternative therapies looking like Dr. Laura isn’t necessarily going to be an asset.
    .
    If you’re good at what you do, and people know it, they’ll cut you a lot of slack. If you’re presenting yourself as an alternative to what the mainstream offers, the tattoos are likely to work in your favor.
    .
    People will accept a tremendous amount of eccentricity if the image you project of yourself is consistent with what you are. Believe me, I know what I am talking about on this score.
    .
    As to the tattoos and finding the right man, tattoos are a good screening tool. They will screen out the aspiring politicians and corporate climbers, leaving you with men who are broad minded and interesting. The real issue here is that finding the right soul mate is always a pain in the ass.

  5. FormerBerkeleyGirl Says:
    August 24th, 2010 at 11:39 am

    I really like the iris and jasmine(?) combination. Very pretty! :)

    Regarding guys: Unfortunately I think a lot of guys that aspire to the image conscious yuppie world are going to have issues with multiple obvious tattoos both on themselves and on a significant other (since the SO forms a part of their work image).
    That said – I’m sure there are some enlightened yuppies out there and I didn’t get the impression yuppies were a pattern for you. As long as you are comfortable with your tattoos and they wont be an issue professionally, you should do what you love.

  6. brem Says:
    August 24th, 2010 at 11:53 am

    Don’t worry, you’re still attractive! :)

  7. peacay Says:
    August 26th, 2010 at 1:55 am

    –I know where most of this fear is coming from…the fact that my last boyfriend did not like my tattoos and found me less attractive as I added them.–

    As a boy, and as a boy who doesn’t particularly like tattoos much – although I can admire the artwork/design/ideas – I nevertheless find your ex’s attitude pretty damn facile and shallow and selfish.

    I think it’s a reasonably big deal in terms of being a compulsory subject for discussion at the outset of a relationship, but I can’t understand how someone who alleges they like/love you thinks less of you if you get more ink.

    I might be a bit scared of you, say, when I first met you, because of the tattoos (maybe), but it would be YOU to whom I would grow close and so tattoos are only a small sideline issue at the very worst. In other words, I think your ex is an outlier and any guy who wants to be part of your life is going to be accommodating. We all make adjustments and compromise. And although it’s not the same thing, I have the same kind of worry having a permanent beard. It’s never coming off and must be accepted ;- )

  8. jennaluna Says:
    August 28th, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    @peacay, I should say that there was a lot more going on in my last relationship that had to do with us breaking up and him not liking my tattoos. He still was attracted to me and loved me, he just wasn’t a fan of the tats…that’s not the reason we broke up.

    Thank you for your thoughts! :)

  9. jennaluna Says:
    August 28th, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    @FormerBerkeleyGirl, yeah, I’m not usually out looking for yuppies, sometimes they just fall into my lap. ;)

  10. jennaluna Says:
    August 28th, 2010 at 7:58 pm

    @Sher, I should clarify that I am totally open to dating men with a lot of tats…I am more thinking of a certain type of tattooed guy that I don’t find attractive…but it’s more about their lifestyle than the actual tats.

  11. Bob Says:
    October 31st, 2010 at 8:24 am

    I find tattoo’s a turn off. Thats just me. Sorry Jen.

    Getting a tattoo is a somewhat narcissistic practice and the presence of ink says more about you than the design itself.

    But you are already inked so if you are going to get hung for a leg of lamb you may as well go for the whole sheep.

    Who cares what anyone else thinks as long as you like them.

    BTW – Don’t expect anyone to be honest with you about your tats. Saying you don’t like someone’s tattoo is like calling them ugly to their face and its just rude. Accept that some people and cultures regard them as offensive and just get on with it.

  12. 2012 Euro Soccer Championship Says:
    January 18th, 2012 at 7:36 pm

    Robert Anson Heinlein: “To be matter of fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy — and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful.”

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