an epiphany

4 Comments » // June 28th, 2010

I love it when I have a random epiphany…it’s usually when I least expect it. I would imagine it would be during meditation or something, but since I am not a regular meditator, it usually happens during a quiet moment in my day and often while I am listening to one of my favorite songs…like today, when I was walking to my chiropractic appointment listening to this.

Most of you probably know that I have recently been considering moving back to Los Angeles to pursue my acting career again.  This is definitely a new option in my life, brought on by a road trip to L.A., a rough time in the Bay Area and inspired by great friends and a fun meeting with my agents.  Upon returning from said road trip, I mulled it over for a few days and then proceeded to drop out of my grad program and apply for a different version of the same program – one where I will only need to be in the Bay Area once a month for a long weekend.  I know I will get into this program, so I will still be on track to have my Masters by the end of 2012…you know, when the world ends.  So last week I felt I had made the decision to move to L.A. when my lease is up in December.  I was nervous, scared, excited…you name it, I was feeling it.

But this past weekend I went to Movement Play, which was incredible.  It reminded me of how many quality people I know in the Bay Area and how lucky I am to be part of such an inspiring community.  So then all of a sudden over the weekend I was questioning my wanting to move to L.A.

There is also the issue of me always wanting to move back to Oregon, specifically Portland.  I miss it so much and have always longed to be home.  I am going for a visit tomorrow and I know I will feel that pull even stronger than usual by being there.

So where the hell do I move to when my lease is up? Do I go back to Los Angeles and hang with my great friends there, pay cheaper rent than I am now and pursue my acting with the possibility of booking a commercial like my Wells Fargo one that could pay off my student loans and then some?  Or do I go back to Portland where my family is, I have tons of friends, it’s even cheaper than LA and SF and I love the weather?  Or do I just stay in the Bay Area and keep cultivating the life I have here?

This leads me to today’s little epiphany.  The Bliss and  Joy I seek is not in just ONE of these places.  It is wherever I go.  I always have it in me and I carry it with me! There is no wrong decision…any of these places will be wonderful in their own way.  I can create whatever I desire in each of these places…just possibly in a different way from place to place.

So I just need to remind myself of this during this time of transition.  I keep telling myself to remain open to the possibilities and options that lay before me.  How lucky am I to not be tied down to any one place?  I will not always have that luxury, so I am going to take advantage of it and see what I can explore!

I am OPEN to the FLOW…I TRUST the Universe and my Higher Self to guide me towards my fulfillment.  I know CLARITY will come if I ALLOW it.