15 years ago today…

3 Comments » // April 23rd, 2009

I found out that my father not only was HIV+, but had full-blown AIDS.  I was 18 years old and just 6 weeks shy of graduating from high school.  My mom came over to my apartment (yes I lived in an apartment by myself my senior year…that’s a whole other blog) and broke the news to me.  It was news to her as well, so she was still reeling from it.  My dad was living in Scottsdale and felt he had to tell us because he had just been diagnosed with full blown AIDS (this usually happens when their T-Cells get below a certain level) and was very ill.  He had actually been HIV+ for about 13 years at that point, but my mom and I didn’t know.

So on this fateful day, my mom came over and told me and I was obviously in shock.  Then I just lost it.  After a bit of crying, we started talking through it…neither of us could believe that even with all the information out there about HIV/AIDS, that it never occurred to either of us that my dad (who was gay) could possibly even have it!  I mean the man lived in San Francisco in the late 70′s and early 80′s…duh.  But it was one of those times where you can’t even imagine something like that happening to you.  But looking back, I suddenly remembered that there were warning signs all along.  He had a bout of Hepatitis, shingles, etc.  It was all making sense.

After crying and discussing, my mom and I decided to go shopping and eat at McDonald’s…you can see now why spending money and eating bad food are such comforts for me now.  They have been there for me through it all…good times, bad times, etc.

Anyway, I ended up going to see my dad only a few weeks later because we weren’t sure how much longer he would survive.  I ended up getting a cold while I was there and had to leave early because as my grandmother put it “you might kill your father”…yeah, that’s a wonderful thing to tell an 18-year old girl who loves her father more than anything.  It was a horrifying experience seeing my dad so sick…the last time I had seen him he was fine.   This time he had lost a ton of weight and had lesions on his face and hands.  When I had to leave, I thought that maybe it would be the last time I would ever see him.  Yeah, that sucked.

Luckily, it was not.  My dad ended up living another 5 1/2 years with his health being up and down throughout that time.  It was a rough time and I didn’t get to see him that often, but I am so grateful for every moment I got to spend with him.  By the end, his body had been ravaged by Lymphoma, TB, Pneumonia and skin cancer…he also had peripheral neuropathy and was legally blind.  He had just fought off the Lymphoma and his health had actually been getting better, but overall it just wasn’t a fun life for him.  I miss him dearly but I am so glad his suffering finally stopped.

I guess this should just be a friendly reminder to be safe and get tested.  And to hug your loved ones…LOTS!