my 2010 Mosaic

Comment now » // January 3rd, 2010

Last year I did a New Year Mosaic here.  My friend reminded me of it when I was in Portland, so I am going to do it again.  This time I will give my answers too.  Here it is:

1. Looking back on 2009, what might the theme have been? Cleansing
2. If 2009 was a movie, who would play you? Toni Collette
3. What was your greatest gift of 2009? Sacred Rose Tattoo (this wasn’t my greatest gift, but one of the coolest)
4. What is your New Year Resolution, or, what are you committing to this year? Fitness
5. If January could be represented by one song, what would it be? I Feel It All
6. What do you wish for your body in 2010? Health
7. Name one new thing you would love to try in the New Year.  Running
8. What do you long for 2010 to bring?  Self Love/Acceptance, Balance and Clarity
9. If that happened, how would you feel? Blissful
10. Where would you love to vacation in 2010 if money were no object? Kauai
11. What would you like the theme of 2010 to be? Integration
12. If 2010 was a book, and the title was 5 words or less, what might the title be.  Make of yourself a light

New Year’s expectations…

4 Comments » // January 3rd, 2010

For some reason I keep having this idea in my mind that I should be already be having this fabulous New Year…that somehow my life should have instantly gotten better because 2009 is finally over. 2009 was a bit of a rough year for me, especially towards the end. Don’t get me wrong, many wonderful things happened too and I am grateful for so much, but things have been pretty intense the past few months.

A quick update: My boyfriend and I have broken up and he already has a new girlfriend. Yes, this is very hard for me. Even though our breakup was pretty mutual, it sort of seemed like there was room in the future to see how things might play out, etc. So finding out (via facebook, I might add) that he had a new girlfriend was a kick to the gut. Now that I have had a week to mull it over, I have been through a gamut of emotions…the normal parts of grieving. Right now I am a little bit in the annoyed and bitter phase as I watch him do things with her that we were supposed to do together but never had the money or time. Now he has this great job (that he moved to FL for…one of the many reasons we broke up) and is making tons of money. Plus he has lost a bunch of weight and is just doing all these things he always said he was going to do. It’s just so classic.

But I am beginning to feel truly happy for him and I do wish him the best. I know we will be able to be good friends eventually, although that is a little hard for me right now. I also know that there is someone amazing out there for me too, although I am scared at the idea of dating right now. I need more time to heal and get my life more in order before I open my heart to someone again. I do have little crushes here and there, but I can feel that I am vulnerable right now and need to be careful.

Anyway, so I just moved into a new place and am still in boxes and things just don’t quite feel right and comfortable yet. I am a bit depressed. That’s all there is to it. I just need to be okay with it, but it is hard to stand sometimes. Especially when you know that your ex is all happy and in love and has this whole new life. I am still figuring out my life, still weeding through friends here in the Bay Area, trying to find the people who share my interests and values, etc. Trying to make it through school, get ready for Grad School and pay my bills and get in better shape, figure out my new job situation, etc.  I’m also really missing Portland and have been thinking about when I should move back, etc.

As I am writing this post, I am realizing that I do sort of sound bitter and ungrateful. I would like say that I am extremely grateful for so much right now and always am. I’m just processing a lot of changes and hurts and am just being honest about my feelings. This is really more of a journal entry than a blog post and it just feels good to get it out. I will still post it because I am not one to hide my real feelings that often.

My whole point is that I think I had these ridiculous expectations that I was going to be magically better after the New Year…mainly because I had a great NYE and was feeling so much better that day. But here I am, melancholy yet again, sitting in an apartment full of boxes and no motivation to unpack them. I’m starting school again soon and need to work on my Grad School application this week and basically just get a bunch of stuff done that I have let go through all the turmoil. And I have so much stuff…why do I have so much stuff? I feel like I unclutter all the time, yet here I am with just so much stuff.

I guess I am feeling a bit overwhelmed right now and am just finding solace in relaxing. But I need to get a move on all this soon.

I do have some New Year’s “resolutions”, although I hate calling them that.  But I have started working out again and have already lost 7 pounds.  I’m working on lots of other things continuously too, so I got that goin’ for me.

The Story of The Everywhere Girl

Comment now » // November 6th, 2009

ok, so this video is so long and I sincerely apologize, but I am just a talker. Anyway, here is the story of The Everywhere Girl…who she is, how the whole thing got started, etc…hopefully you will find it entertaining!
~ Jen

an awesome life lesson

7 Comments » // August 19th, 2009

Wow.  So some interesting stuff has been going down in my world over the past few days.  I basically found out that someone I thought I was friends with is really not digging me right now.  I found this out via some Facebook drama, which is just so ridiculous and seems very high school.  That is not what I need or want from Facebook at all.  Or from anywhere for that matter.

Long story short, someone that is a pretty big part of my life has let me know quite obviously that they don’t like me and has accused me of many things that are Just. Not. True.  Not at all.  I tried to explain this to this person, which totally ended up with them accusing me of even worse stuff and that I was lying about it all.  This is something that really pushes my buttons.  Like when I see a movie or a TV show where someone is being falsely accused or where someone doesn’t believe someone, it kills me.  It breaks my heart and makes me feel like I am crazy.

So I soon realized that it will not matter what I do to convince this person of my “innocence” or good intentions or whatever, they have made up their mind about the way they think things are.  I could show them facts and figures and it still wouldn’t matter.

So I am letting it all go.  I wrote them a kind email explaining this and told them that I hope we can be friends again someday and that I love them very much.  I got no response to this and I am saddened to lose this friendship because I care about this person very much.  Honestly, if the situation was different I probably wouldn’t even bother trying to be friends again, but this person is sort of permanently in my life at this point.  We will have to be around each other, there is no avoiding it.  I am not going to let them bully me out of such a huge part of my life or alienate me from other close people in my life.  That seems to be what they want and it’s not going to happen.

I honestly was devastated about this whole thing when it first went down, crying for hours.  I am very sensitive and really just want to be accepted.  I consider myself to be a good person with good intentions.  I also am always very willing to hear people’s criticisms of me and try to improve myself wherever I can.  Too willing at times. I realized this yesterday in therapy while talking this whole ordeal over with my awesome therapist, Maggie.  You see, I really heard what this person said and even though I knew in my heart of hearts that none of it was true, I let it get to me and started doubting myself.   I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being oblivious or in denial about some things.  But Maggie helped me see that I am too quick to assume that everything other people are saying about me is right and I am constantly trying to improve myself and be more evolved, etc.  While some of this is very healthy, the true evolution I am needing right now is self acceptance.  I am Divine and Perfect just as I am.  I am always growing and learning and am very grateful for that.  But sometimes I need to just sit back and appreciate who I am right now and how far I have come. And when someone has a critique of me, I can just hear it, give it some space and go from there.  I’ve got to stop taking everyone else’s opinion of me as gospel.  All that really matters is that I love myself (still working on this one) and know that I am doing my best in this world.  I just have to remind myself that this is about them, not me.

I am also blessed to have the support of my close friends and family and that helps me navigate through what is true and what isn’t.  It basically makes me feel less crazy…haha.

I have also learned from this experience that I have done this exact same thing to other people in my life.  Well not the bullying part, because that is just so not how I roll…but the making assumptions and judgments about how people are living their lives.  So I am going to try to stop doing that.  I can just focus on myself and my issues and if I have that feeling towards someone I can just observe it and check it.  Is it because they are doing something that I do and don’t like about myself?  Is it just me projecting what I *think* they are doing because I have a fear of it or do it myself and don’t like it.  Or am I just misinformed?  Am I just distracting myself from my own sh*t because it is easier to judge someone else?  Whatever the reason is, it’s about me, not them.  If it is a situation where I feel they are directly hurting me, a loved one, or themselves then I will directly talk to them about my feelings in a kind, responsible and calm way and truly listen to what they have to say with no judgment and just a willingness to have an open heart and mind.  I want to be conscious in my relationships in this world and communicate on a healthy level.  I have done that in this recent situation more than I would have in the past, and for that I am proud.  I didn’t handle it perfectly, but I’m still learning, right?

Unfortunately I had to delete this person off of my Facebook, which made me sad…but it had to be done.  It was unhealthy for me to have to see status updates written about me or have rude comments written to me or my friends.

I am very grateful for this opportunity to learn and grow.  If you are still reading this, then thank you.  I know it was long, but I feel much better after writing it all out.

Peace.

Well, I *do* love the color green…

3 Comments » // July 26th, 2009

So it makes perfect sense that I would also love green smoothies and kale chips…except for the fact that although I know I should be a health nut, I am not.  But, thanks to the 21-Day-Detox I did a few months back, and being around so many inspiring, healthy people in the Bay Area (mainly, the lovely HoopGirl herself, Christabel Zamor), I have gotten into making green smoothies for breakfast almost every morning.  I have been asked by so many people for my recipe, so I thought I would just give you an idea here.  I don’t really have specific recipes, they are different every day and I am still trying new things.  It’s sort of trial and error and seeing what works for you.

Let me say first off though, I *do not* have a super nice fancypants VitaMix blender…although I hope to get one someday and I have put it on my vision board.  I sort of have it in my head that if I keep the daily smoothies up for a year, I will buy myself one.  I am almost at 6 months, so that’s pretty cool!  Anyway, I have a Hamilton Beach 10-speed Stay-or-Go Blender that comes with this really cool travel cup for taking my margaritas smoothies on the go!  It didn’t cost me too much and it works really well, and I put some crazy stuff in my smoothies!

So here is my smoothie recipe…I am not a big measurer, so I pretty much eyeball this stuff and vary it depending on my day and how much smoothie I need.

• a banana or two..this is my fave base for a smoothie, but apples are great too
• kale or spinach or some other dark leafy greens.  I have only tried kale and spinach so far, but will do collards soon.  I put a lot of these in…like enough to make a pretty big salad!
• frozen berries: I like strawberries, blueberries, cherries, raspberries, etc.  I’ve also done peaches, which was pretty good.  You can also do fresh fruits, but I actually like the frozen thing because it helps make my smoothie cold and I love cold beverages.  And yes, my blender blends these frozen fruits just fine…and super fast!
• water, soy milk or coconut water…I sort of eyeball this amount, depending on the other stuff I am putting in and seeing how thick I want it
• Vega powder…man this stuff is amazing and has all the goodies you need in it.  I learned about this stuff from my vegan friend, Allison.  I like the natural and chocolate flavors and have not tried the berry or the vanilla chai yet.  This stuff isn’t the cheapest, but it’s like buying a multi-vitamin and then some and I use it more regularly than I have ever taken a multi-vitamin.  So it’s good for me.
• I then also alternate other goodies in my smoothies depending on my mood or how I am feeling.  These things are: Amazing Grass’s Amazing Meal or other awesome products they have, chia seeds, hemp seeds, flax seeds, acidopholus, seaweed, bee pollen, Dr. Greens, etc.  I am still playing around with all this stuff and I keep it really simple.  I still need to look at all the nutritional info and get a better plan going to make sure I am getting all the right stuff daily or not overdoing it either.

So yeah, that’s about it.  Then I blend everything up in less than 30 seconds (sometimes I have to stir things around a couple of times in between) and voila!  I also have these amazing glass straws for my smoothies (especially helpful in the to-go cup)…so I am not using plastic straws and being more eco-conscious.  Oh and my smoothies come out way darker than the ones pictured…I think it’s the blueberries mostly…yummy yum yum.

Another thing I have finally gotten into is Kale Chips…yummers!  I cannot believe how much kale has become a part of my diet…my only experience with kale before this year was when I used to work at Godfather’s Pizza (my very first job…yummers again!) and we used it as a garnish for the salad bar…as decoration over the ice holding the buckets of toppings in.  Yeah in my world, kale was not edible and was just for looks…craziness!  It is actually a super food and is considered to be a cancer fighter!

Now the first time I heard about kale chips was through Christabel (again, such an inspiration)…but she makes them in a dehydrator.  She made some for us when we went to the Abraham-Hicks workshop in March, and I was hooked.  Unfortunately, I do not have a dehydrator (another thing for the vision board), so I thought I was out of luck.  But then I found out a couple of my friends were just baking theirs.  I know this isn’t considered raw, but I am not ready to go that whole route just yet, anyway…I need quick, easy and simple things in my life right now in order to be healthy…this is the girl who has been eating fast food her whole life, so I need my healthy food to be pretty fast too!

So I got a recipe from my friend Justine for the Kale Chips…the first time I made them a little too salty…I cannot believe I could ever make anything too salty for me, but I did (when she says a little goes a long way, she means it).  So here is her recipe!

To make the kale chips you will need:

1 bunch of Kale
Olive Oil
Sea Salt….
(and I use nutritional yeast as well, I sprinkle when I am tossing the leaves with the oil…..)

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Wash & dry Kale and rip off the stem into large potato chip sized pieces. Put in a large bowl and drizzle with olive oil. Toss to coat lightly.

Place leaves in a single layer on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper. Sprinkle to taste with Sea Salt (a little goes a long way). Bake for ten minutes or so until the edges become crispy. Cool & eat!

Yum! Feel free to share this with friends….may we all find (and share) good for us snacks…

p.s. today I added some Onion Powder as well and It rocked it!

Enjoy the kale chips…they really help me when I am in my crunchy, salty mood…which is almost every day!  I have also played around with garlic powder and stuff too…yummy and fun!

And enjoy the smoothies…let me know if you make some cool recipe…I am wanting to experiment with raw cacao and stuff too,  just haven’t had the chance yet.

Here’s to me getting healthier slowly but surely…cheers!